I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
