She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
