Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
