it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
