I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
