there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
