At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it because I queefed?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
