so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
