did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
