i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
