This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
