what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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