Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
