just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
