We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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