$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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