I'd wear matching sweaters with you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
