Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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