Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
