quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
