i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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