i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
