apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
