ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
