you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
