We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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