Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
