last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
