oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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