so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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