I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
