So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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