Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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