I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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