I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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