do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
