are you so shy because you have an std?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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