he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
