I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
