Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
