Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
