I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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