he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
