According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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