i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
