just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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