Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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