trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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