Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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