I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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