So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
