i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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