I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
