You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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